Jack.is » Cycling » Tales » Epicdayout
I woke up on this fine foggy Wednesday morning in Dallas, and, realising I had nothing at all to do, decided to hop on the bike and go make something to do.
I went to 7-11 for a couple of taquitos and an orange juice like a true teenaged rebel biker thing, nonchalant about health. Stood around at the bus stop looking cool while eating my taquitos. Made a show of bringing my and surrounding trash to the bin BECAUSE THE ENVIRONMENT AND GREEN AND CYCLING <3~
Then I rode a couple of miles to Transit Bike Co. It was 1000 by this time. I thought I'd find something there, but no. They open at 1100. Okay. This is a whole shopping district; there must be something. No. Everything opens at 1100. Apparently nothing happens before eleven here. In any case I managed to walk around examining storefronts for an hour before the bike shop opened. Once it did, I locked up outside of it and proceeded to not go into it; rather, I went to some frozen yoghurt shop. It was self-serve and they had such exciting flavours as Taro and Avocado. I had to try the Taro because I hadn't heard of it and Google said it's a tropical plant, so it must go well with Piña Colada. It was decent. Can't compare it to anything.
WAIT WE'RE STILL GETTING TO THE PART WHERE I ACTUALLY DO SHIT REALLY WAIT
So then I went to the bike shop and perused all the trendy and shiny bike parts and gadgets that I can't buy right now. I made sure to drop plenty of references to how I would be buying such-and-such if I had the money because minor financial strife is cool. I know it worked because the guy at the shop rolled his eyes and said things like, "I know, right?" I asked a few unusual questions about bikes so it almost looked like I knew what I was talking about. Then I left to go ride around downtown and maybe find some cool bike people to hang around looking cool and rebellious with.
While riding downtown (which is fun by the way, many nicely dressed people doing srs bsness to dodge) I couldn't think of anything to do, so I decided to drop by the community college to start that application ball rollin'. I filled out a form, waited in line, played mobile games, waited in line, talked to some lady, and was sent home to get a Social Security card, birth certificate, DD-214, lease, utility bill, and letter from my employer to prove my residency. I guess my ID was defective. To relieve this minor irritance, while eating a sub I got at the awesome built-in college Subway restaurant, I accessed one of the public terminals and started a batch script:
@ECHO off
:go
echo "You're a hardcore faggot. :D"
goto go
Hoping that someone would come along and catch the tenuous reference, I sat back in my chair and swigged a bottle of Barq's. Hard stuff, man. Hard. A young man came along momentarily and asked if I ran the script. I said no, it was some hacker maniac; he ran that way. He asked if it was a virus. I said I don't know much about that computer junk, no idea, but it does look a bit unruly. He closed my epic masterpiece and left. I don't know whether he was a student or a student volunteer suckup type watching the public terminals on VNC. I checked the process list for remote session servers but I didn't recognise any. Oh, well. Also, I was logged in as a local admin. They had Deep Freeze or something on it, though.
I then strode from the college all authoritative-like, being sure to let my keys jingle freely, hung as they were by a carabiner which is awesome because it means I get shit done and need my keys to be right the hell there.
I retrieved my bike from where I'd locked it, pleased that no one had stolen any of the unlocked components. Maybe the NYC bike theft videos have got me scared.
I rode down Main Street toward home, figuring maybe I'd get most of what the admissions lady wants today. I was riding down the street, enjoying how I had to keep slowing down for traffic, when I saw a parade of people in black shirts meandering down both sidewalks. I dismounted onto the curb in front of them. As I approached, I saw the word "FREE" and thought they were protesting some imprisonment, but then I saw that it's supposedly Free Hugs Day. The front of the crowd confirmed this and I was treated to a couple of hugs from a couple of cute girls, but the cute guy simply complimented my afro and kept moving. I thought about moving through the crowd but then I saw a guy on a moped at a red light and realised my chance to be all cool and theatrical and shit.
I jogged to the intersection and mounted next to him. He revved. I twisted my hand around the bar. The crowd went wild. The light went green! He took off! I began moving the pedals! The crowd went wilder! I enhanced my struggling exhibition! He faded from vision! I cleared the intersection! I forgot about him! I hit the next signal! I saw him on the other side of the intersection going in the opposite direction! I felt taunted!
I stopped to walk for a while because I overexerted myself trying to sprint up that hill the intersection was at the bottom of. There were a bunch of ambulances parked in one parking lot under the freeway bridge but nothing was happening. I sat there for a while, drank some water, and went on when a creepy old bum started standing around near me.
And so like then I kept riding down Main, and nothing much happened except that this one car passed me really closely and I got all shocked and flipped it off but I don't think they saw, and so then I rode in the middle of the lane and screw the traffic because there are three.
I was navigating the residental streets toward home. I saw a guy on some hybrid sort of bike, the kind kids get to race around the neighbourhood in, you know. He waved. I waved. I was going through an intersection when I saw a huge puddle in the road. I figured I could be cool and avoid getting wet by doing a nonchalant swerve around it. In that moment, I forgot everything I ever learned about bicycling. I twisted the wheel to the left and GOLLY GEE WHIZ WHATEVER DID THAT DO? I don't remember actually leaving the bike. See, we had three frames there. One, I approached. Two, I twisted. Three, I was in mid-air. Four, I was sliding on the ground, on my stomach, watching my phone go along with me. After that I had full framerate again and so I sat there blocking traffic in real time while I caught my breath. People asked if I was okay, and I couldn't talk yet, so I just flashed a thumbs-up around and I think they got it.
Then I went home and immediately picked my nose because I hadn't had a chance the whole time I was out.
The bike is fine; I wasn't moving quickly. I got road rash on the heel of my left hand and near my right elbow. Shit hurts, mang. The phone is also fine. OH SHIT I JUST REALISED THE LITTLE MIRROR THINGY OVER THE CAMERA LENS IS ALL SHATTERED. I'll see if I can remove the shards. I can't really. They're kind of stuck. I'll screw with it later. Okay I got all the shards out. The camera is fine. Must have been some protective thing. I guess it worked. I guess we can see how well the case works when anything goes wrong, though.
I enjoyed everything. I regret nothing. I must try this Going Out thing again.
Current Comments
2 comments so far (post your own)
GOLLY what a wondrous day of outdoor activities.
Did you see the sun? please tell me what it looks like
Posted by Naynay on 15Oct09 @ 1453 EDT | #159
... and check out writing classes while checking out other 'coll-edgy' thins at El Centro... enjoyed the read Sir.
Peas...
Posted by Timm on 15Oct09 @ 1938 EDT | #160