Jack.is » Poetic » Twelvedays

Multi-Genre Twelve Days of Christmas

I welcome suggestions.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Twelve band geeks marching, [Here an assortment of high-school band members squeaks out a not-quite-there adaptation of the tune.]

Eleven punks rebelling, [Irreverent, outrageously-dressed punk kids spit angrily into the microphone -- or refuse to sing.]

Ten hicks a-pickin', [With appropriate accent and props. Checklist: Chew, jug, spoons, moonshine. Apply moonshine before performance for best results.]

Nine rappers crunkin', [Of course while performing said dance, or similar. Recommended: At least one each of someone on whistle, someone to synth wood blocks, someone to say "Oh!" in one long note through this portion, and someone to shout "Yeah!" and "Okay!".]

Eight growling longhairs, [Metal. Preferably accompanied by at least one person with 7+ string bass.]

Seven shrill sopranos, [If more than half the audience can hear after this portion, you have hired the wrong sopranos.]

Six emos bitching, [No need to stage self-mutilation. Performers will furnish their own tools and effects. Avoid being too nice as this may impede display of crying during the performance.]

Pa~varotti~, [In light of his death you may substitute Susan Boyle or another such acceptable replacement.]

A four-man rock band, [Very generic accompaniment. Should use all three of the chords the band has learned. Guitarist should be not quite able to reach properly. Bassist should harmonize on the third. Audience should be underwhelmed.]

An a cappella trio, [Must include that one female tenor with visible facial hair.]

A country duet, [Again, with appropriate inflection, and a steel guitar if you can.]

And, singing bass, we have Tennessee. [Tennessee Ford should place the last note somewhere between the frequency of earthquakes and the threshold of human perception.]

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