Conversations I Have Too Often

Me: Service can take a while, so if you like, I'll let you off the phone, and call back if anything comes up.
Them: Okay, so you have the number?
Me: Yes.
Them: [The number I already have]
Me: Yes.

Me: Before we reinstall Windows, we should back up any irreplaceable files you have. Do you know what you would want backed up in particular?
Them: Everything.
Me: All the things in your personal folder?
Them: No, everything, all the programs, etc.
Me: We kind of can't do that because [there's not enough space to image the entire disk onto your external/we don't have any approved disk imaging tools] and you can't just copy the Program Files directory and paste it back in after the reinstall and have it work; there's a bunch of other files scattered around, and registry entries, and so on.
Them: Can't you just copy those?
Me: Unfortunately not.
Them: Well why not?!
Me: Because I don't get paid enough to spend my entire shift tracking down 5 different directories and a ton of registry keys for every program you have installed when it would take you less time to just reinstall the fucking things. Because it's impossible to know where any given program would put all its components and if we tried you would find most of the programs we moved over won't work. It'll be much easier on you just to reinstall them later.
Them: Oh, fine.

Me: [Calls a customer back]
Their phone: Please enjoy the music while your party is reached. AND IIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Me: [Hangs up]

Me: S as in Sierra.
Them: F?
Me: S as in Sierra.
Them: F or S?
Me: [Grinds teeth] S as in Sierra or Samuel.
Them: Oh! S as in Sam! Why didn't you say so?

Me: Do you have any phones, faxes, satellites; anything that uses the phone jack besides the DSL modem?
Them: No.
[later]
Them: Oh I can't disconnect the filter from the wall; the phone is plugged in there and we'll get disconnected.
Me: [mutes] [rages]